If you are new to this blog, welcome to iSAD, take some time to look around, to read who we are and what we stand for. If you have visited before, we are happy to have you back on our blog. It's been a while.
We have debated whether there is still a need for this blog. You tell us. Up until today we have received 9,427 page views, we have 287 followers on Twitter. To us that is impressive. Last year the blog stirred lots of emotions and strong opinions. We are not here to point fingers at anyone. We just find it difficult to live in the status quo.
Why a new post today? On March 12, 2012, Dietitians of Canada will send out the e-mails with internship application results, e-mails that will change many people's lives. Every year the day it happens is one of the most difficult days to get through for many students, professors, internship coordinators, mentors, parents, friends and families of those who apply. This is why we would like to re-open the conversation as today is a big day for everyone who studies or practices dietetics in Canada.
If you are on the applying side, you are either cheering today, or you are crying. Or both - if you got in, but your close friends did not and you are not sure how to handle the news. Should you share it? Should you hide it? Your families and friends outside of dietetics will probably smugly tell you, "I told you you would get in!" which will make you feel misunderstood, as if your stress leading to this moment and all the talking about how hard it is to get an internship was a waste of their time. You feel bitter-sweet. You are not sure why you got it and your friend didn't. Perhaps she had better marks than you, more experience. You don't know what to say. There is a gap between the two of you. And you don't know how to close it. She smiles and tells you she is so happy for you and you don't know how to react, because you know that behind the smile there is sadness, anger, frustration and panic. If she doesn't get it, how will your friendship survive? What is she gonna do next year? The whole thing does not feel the way you expected. On one hand you want to post it on facebook, tweet about it, message everyone on your contact list. I GOT AN INTERNSHIP! You want to tell the whole world. But on the other hand you want to hide the news. You were supposed to be happy. This is your dream come true, why does it feel so strange?
If you did not get in, you are at a loss. Genuinely you are trying to be happy for your friends who got in. But it's so hard. You don't want to compare yourself, but you can't help it. You don't understand why your friends got in but you didn't. You especially don't understand why that girl got in. You feel guilty for thinking this way. She deserves it, everyone deserves it. You try to hold back the tears, but at some point you can't fight them anymore. They stream down your face, in a river. You do not understand what happened. You know there is still time, maybe the next round or the one after that, but you can't stop the tears. You realize it will be a very long week. Wherever you are you don't want to be there. You don't want to talk to anyone. You can't look people in the eyes. Your friends are messaging you asking you if you got in, you don't want to reply. You feel like a failure. Big one. Everyone rooted for you and you failed them. You want to curl up and cry yourself to sleep. How many times have you applied? How many times is it going to take? Are you shocked, devastated, or angry? You have done everything you were told. You worked so hard over the last few years to boost your resume and you spent so much time on those letters and everyone who proof read them for you said they were so darn good. You practiced for interviews, you don't know what else you could have done. You ask yourself, what did I do wrong? You go through the interviews in your head. You try to remember every single question and how the internship coordinator reacted to your answers. What are you going to do next year? You are not prepared for this. You did not have a plan B, you did not want to have a plan B because you thought it would distract you from the goal. This is overwhelming.
Does any of this feel familiar to you? Whichever side you are on, know that you are not alone. Talk about it. Do not be alone today. Find someone who will listen and talk about it. Tell them how you feel, cry, get angry, get it out. Do not be ashamed of your feelings. Be brave. It will make you stronger. Pretending to be strong will make you feel weaker. What you are feeling is normal given the circumstances, whatever you feel. Do not let anyone tell you how you should feel. Be compassionate with yourself. Have empathy. Talk to yourself as if you were your own friend, not enemy. You have done everything right. There is too many equally qualified applicants for too few positions. The system is flawed.
If you have no one to talk to, tell your story here. Your story is important. You can tell your story without identifiers, just tell us how you feel. This blog is a space for us to be real, to stay connected, and possibly change the system. We need to advocate for a system that will benefit everyone, including the students.
We have created an email account to which you can log in and send an e-mail. No one will know who you are.
If you would like to share, here are the instructions:
Log into: anonymouslytoisad@gmail.com
Password: isadisad
And send your emails directly to: theprojectisad@gmail.com
We will then copy them and post them here as they are without ANY edits.
Alternatively you can post anonymously under this post in a comment.
Feel free to share this blog with others. The strength is in numbers.
Yours trully,
iSAD
~~~~~
5 comments:
Thank you for this.
It is so easy (desirable) to forget how painful this process is once you have survived it and a couple of years have passed.
Thank you for reminding me.
This has got to stop.
I remember what it was like to be in a classroom where some people had gotten good news and others had gotten not-so-good news... and the professor going on like today was just like every other day. I know it might be easier not to talk about it, but we NEED to talk about it. There has got to be a better way.
I don't know how I'm gonna face everyone tomorrow. I didn't get in, so many of my friends didn't. There's going to be too much sadness. :(
Thank you for posting this. I am a (long) past grad, and while i did get an internship eventually, I didnt at first. I cannot forget the sadness, anxiety and twisted emotions I felt for that entire year. I have friends in the system right now, and I have been in agony all day. I can truly empathize with how horrible that pain must be for those who were turned away this year. Know that it is not your fault. the system is very flawed.
Keep iSad going. I think this is a great place for students, interns, applicants alike to connect. I say, do not close the blog. People should not be prohibited from sharing their stories and experiences.
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