Since the beginning of the school year, I have been experiencing severe ISAD (Internship Seasonal Affective Disorder) in vicious bouts. The first bout arose as soon as we began to have our internship information sessions, when I witnessed the relationships between 4th year Nutrition students shift from colleagues to competition. The toxic environment continued to build through cautionary emails and messages that warned us about the “danger” of committing simple mistakes in our applications. We were told that a single grammatical error, or forgetting to sign our cover letter would move us from "the yes pile, to the no pile". While I appreciate that grammar or the signing of ones cover letter are important considerations in an application, they should not override or discount the breadth of a student’s incredible experiences and academic success. It was not long before I stopped socializing at school because I couldn't handle the constant chatter about where people were applying, or what they wrote in their application.
Then came the day I mailed off my packages. I cannot explain to you the enormous anxiety I had, and the obsessive practices that I felt were “necessary” parts of the process. Checking, checking, checking. And once it was sent off... I did not sleep. I told myself that I should have checked one more time. I was acting irrationally, but I felt that it were these irrational thoughts and behaviours that the "internship application culture" prescribed. I was taught that it was normal, expected and encouraged to make yourself sick with anxiety.
Winter break came and went without a single full-nights rest. Then the next bout of ISAD ensued. We began to get called for our interviews, and suddenly the whole world stopped. Of course this all occurs during midterm season, when you need to be studying and concentrating on schoolwork, but that was a near impossible task. I am normally an incredibly disciplined worker, but I found myself starring at my phone for countless hours unable to read a single page of my textbook. Aside from interfering with my schoolwork and sleep, I started to really feel its effects on my relationship and friendships. Suddenly, the culture at school became very eerie... one did not know whom to confide in or who they could ask. Did ______ get her call from UHN yet? Can I ask? Should I ask? Will it upset her? Will it relieve her? I feel so alone.
Sometimes friends would ask me to tell them if I got a call and they didn’t, so that they could judge whether or not they would even get an interview and just be able to stop thinking about it. This was an awful experience.... No one likes to see their best friends cry, while at the same time being forced to feel almost as if they are boasting. It is sickening.
Because I felt I could no longer speak with my friends, I turned to my boyfriend. While supportive at first, I think that this process took its toll on our relationship. It made me aloof, it made us fight, and it interrupted my ability to sleep, eat and think.
And now I am awaiting the biggest bout of all. I wait to hear if I got an internship. I anticipate that the week of March 14 will be a bad, sad week, and I do not yet know how I am going to handle it.
As you can see, the anxiety of the internship process has reached hysteric heights, where it reaches beyond the students and impacts their families and friends. I believe that if our “culture” is going to place such urgency and importance on obtaining the coveted internship, then they MUST make them more accessible. This ideally would mean more positions, or fewer undergraduate opportunities, and thus, less competition. More realistically, however, I ask that you make the selection process more explicit, more transparent, more fair. Describe to us in detail exactly what the expectations are for GPA (yes, the minimum is a B+, but we all know that students with A+ averages are often turned away); how many hours and what type of volunteer/work experiences do the programs require; and what would define a good “fit” in each institution. It is unfair for us to enter this field, fight our way towards graduations, and be left to feel inadequate because we didn’t quite do “enough”. It is time for this system to change, and we cannot reduce another cohort of talented, passionate, intelligent graduates to mere failures. Please acknowledge this urgent need.
Nutrition Student
2 comments:
There is nothing more demoralizing than to hear your best friend in the program tell you that her confidence has been shot because she has been unable to get an internship. What is it about this process that can leave a once confident, articulate, intelligent, and enthusiastic person mired in self-doubt, shame, and anxiety? I really don't get it.
I have been going through this process for last 12 years, every time upgrading my education and experience. I have 6 years of experience in Long Term Care (LTC) and all the RD’s I have worked with over the years say that I would make a great dietitian. I have received good grades (mostly A’s) through out my education and upgrades. Still I have been unsuccessful in getting a position. Every time I call for feedback from the internship directors, I receive ambiguous answers, usually stuff like "not a good fit", "not able sell myself", " need more project experience" etc. This process has left me bitter. No one recognizes my passion for the profession and my pursuit of it for so long. I even spoke with the director of professional affairs at Dietitians of Canada. She reviewed my cover letter and resume and gave some suggestions, however, even she was not able to help me. I argue with many people in my thoughts as to how ridicules this process is. I know I am more than qualified to be a good dietitian, but I have no where to turn and no one is listening. Every time I receive a message telling me I was unsuccessful once again, I feel angry, disappointed, frustrated and finally cry for couple of days. I have been hearing since 1997 (for over 12 years) that the system is going to change, however, here we are in 2011, dealing with the same system, which leaves a lot of worthy candidates behind. There is shortage of RDs everywhere and especially in LTC, so why wouldn't "they" give somebody with LTC experience a chance?
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