The impact that my dietetic education and training experience has had on myself and my family has been profound and long-lasting. The experience took a serious mental, physical, financial, and emotional toll on me personally and professionally.
The competition to secure an internship potion among undergraduate students is well known. Fortunately, I felt very little competition among my peers during. What is rarely talked about however, is the extreme inner rivalry that students, driven to work longer, study harder, and volunteer more, experience in an effort to prepare a competitive internship application package. I was one of those students. Knowing early on how few students are rewarded with an internship spot, I worked tirelessly to make sure my internship application stood out. I had straight ‘A’s, I had volunteer and/or paid work experience in clinical, community, and administrative practice, I had published an original research paper, I had excellent references. The tremendous stress and isolation from my family and friends that I endured to do all that was required to get an internship position finally culminated in my final year in a destructive relationship with food. I binged and purged to numb the stress, just to cope. Let me be clear that this had not been an issue previously.
I was devastated and embarrassed when I didn’t get an internship. Tears still well in my eyes as I write this. I was embarrassed to tell all those who had supported me, especially my husband, that I wasn’t good enough. The time with family, friends, and myself that I had sacrificed was not enough. I spent days being consoled by people who cared about me, but really, I felt as if had only let them and myself down and so their support was of little consolation.
The feedback I received from internship coordinators was also of little help. Being told “you’re not as good as you think you are” only taught me that I needed to be less enthusiastic, less convinced of my ability and commitment to be a successful intern and a good dietitian.
The following year I applied again and was given a spot in one of the programs to which I applied. Finally, having proven myself, I looked forward to the camaraderie and support of my future colleagues and fellow interns. Nevertheless, once in internship, little changed. The interns were treated as if we enjoyed more than 24 hours in a day. Few preceptors understood that I needed to work part-time just to afford the basics, to pay rent and buy groceries. The complete lack of financial support available to me meant that I did not have the luxury of choice. It is not however, a choice that interns should have to make. For the majority of students, including myself, who graduated undergrad with significant student debt, and whose parents are unable to offer support, there are few viable alternatives to financially surviving internship. What angers me now is that I hear nothing from the supposed leaders in the dietetic profession advocating on behalf interns who desperately need access to financial support. It is shameful.
Although I am now a registered dietitian, I have chosen for now not to practice. The harm that all those involved, whether as student, intern, or educator, have been left with is apparent. Past traumas culminate in a professional culture of isolation, burnout, and silence. This is not what I signed up for; this is definitely not the professional I want to be.
Looking back, I would not have entered the field if I knew what I know now. If I knew how much I would have to sacrifice to gain membership to a profession that all but eats its young, I would have saved myself and made a very different choice. Knowing this today however, I find myself left with little to recommend entering the dietetic profession to others. I am not proud to say I am a dietitian because to me earning the right to do so has cost far too much. What is it that being a registered dietitian mean? My undergraduate and internship experiences have shown me that it does not stand for what I thought.
These are sorry statement to make about what could actually be a vibrant and creative profession. The real tragedy here however, is that I am just one person, easily dismissed, but I am not alone in my experience.
6 comments:
I am really sorry to hear that!! My experience as a student in the School of Nutrition was wonderful and supportive!! The professors were always prepared to help us through the internship application process.
The point with these statements is not to draw attention to the professors or the programs, really. The point, if you read the statements and take in the depth of emotion is the real hurt and pain students experience in this ridiculous internship application. That seems rather obvious to me.
Hey! I am not sure what school you are from, but I agree with you... it isn't about the schools, it is about the process. I graduated from UWO and feel the same way. I worked so hard to get an internship, and I was not successful. I feel so undervalued. I don't know where to go from here. I have not be told of other options or given a plan B. No one at my school has provided me with alternatives. I don't know what I could do if I am not successful at obtaining an internship in the next few years. I am very frustrated and devastated. And I feel like it is all my fault, like I haven't done enough. But yet, what more could I have possibly done?!
I'm very sorry you feel that way about being a dietitian. I am a dietitian, and I love my career!
We all have trauma in our lives that has hurt us, but why let that stop you from achieving your full potential? There are so many possibilities for us all(even those possibilities that we have not yet imagined)! Don't let the "internship process" power over you...you will only loose in the end. I'm sure you a much greater person that that. Keep positive.
Good luck.
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Funny thing is... I am one of the most positive people I know. And I don't want to give up. But how much time and effort do I have to spend to prove that I am worthy? How much money do I have to spend? My debt is so high right now that I cannot imagine going another years without money. Shouldn't my self-esteem, my confidence in my abilities be empowered? be increased by this process? Not hurt and diminished.
And I don't think we have a choice about the internship process having "power" over us... that is what we need to change. The power is there... and we cannot avoid it. We work our butts off to win the system, and then when we fail to do so, it hurts. A lot.
I wont give up. I don't think anyone will... but how much can we take?
If I were given a "do over" I would have pursued a career as a pharmacist. There are very few RD full time jobs. You have to work for years sometimes doing mat leaves etc and hope to get a full time job. RDs are a small profession with little actual clout in the health care system. The insulting salaries of the "Family Health Team" RDs are reflective of this fact. It's very demeaning to have a masters degree and internship and have nurses yelling to you "please talk to Mrs. Jones she doesn't like her food!". Other professions routinely provide "bedside diet counseling" such as a nurse who counselled a bowel obstruction patient to "eat prunes to help you go to the bathroom". Then you have physicians give you grief when you try to implement best practice guidelines. Everyone thinks they are a dietitian! We need better practice priviledges, tougher education in biochem/nutritional diagnostics etc to produce a skilled clinician with some teeth! I don't think giving everyone an internship is a good thing. We need to limit undergrad placement (to avoid having so many disappointed students investing 4 years for nothing) and ensure those who are accepted are excellent candidates who get into a well coordinated internships with a job waiting on the other end.
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